Quick! The Antidote!

I am putting it out there: all humans are created equal, but some are more Stupid than others. I want to be clear and informative to the Stupids and maybe they can redeem themselves. Granted, my life is pretty mundane and I really should not be too upset when the Stupids spice up my life. It’s just that I attract Stupids by the droves; I am a veritable Stupid magnet. It’s exhausting to tackle them one by one especially when the morbid stupidity is exhibited by office co-workers.

The nature of my job does not allow me to disclose specifics, but even in generality, Non-Stupids would be able to ascertain that I reside in StupidVille. There are plenty of stories in this particular storehouse, but I will zero in on office equipment and recent girl-boy interactions that have ended tragically. I will explain in a dos’s and don’ts type of deal for easier memorization and edification:

a) Do NOT announce in a crowded office building that you are in love with your boss.
b) Do NOT fall in love with your boss.
c) Gossiping about your boss with your boss’s secret hook-up is a no-no.
d) Being dumb enough to be your boss’s secret hook-up is also a no-no.
e) Do NOT share explicit details of your nightly escapades with random core-workers
f) Unless performing life-saving CPR, do not touch co-workers in chest area.
g) Do NOT perform life-saving CPR on your co-workers; dial 9, then 9-1-1.
h) Do NOT begin a “Dr. Abby” open-session at your cubby-hole.
i) Do learn how to use the Printer/Copier/Scanner/Fax machine.
j) Do NOT break afore-mentioned machine and have the gall to say, “It just broke.”
k) Do NOT ‘fix’ machine with martial arts of any form (including, but not limited to kicks and blows)
l) Do take a shower/ brush your teeth/ perform general grooming before showing up to work.
m) Use good judgment before hitting “REPLY-ALL” it’s not a necessity, it’s a luxury.
n) Should the dress code be “Business Casual” the emphasis is on “Business.” (It’s confusing, I know)

And a friendly reminder:
Not finishing your assignment and expecting others to cover for you =Stupid.
Expecting others to read your mind=Stupid.
Manipulation of any kind=Stupid
Passive aggression of the whiny variety= Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.

Got it!?

You are welcome!